Nightmares.

Last night,

My sleep broke

Into tears streaming down my cheeks

And an unexplainable weight on my chest.

I was barely conscious,

Out of fatigue I presume.

But I was aware enough

Of my inability to stop crying.

I was aware enough,

Of the trance I had just torn myself out of.

Nightmares.

I rarely had them.

But when I did,

I never dreamed about

Monsters, zombies or serial killers.

Never had a problem

With clowns or vampires.

Though I had exceptions

Of giant insects and needled eyes.

Those nightmares,

I woke shaken but sane.

I laughed about them afterwards.

The things that scare me the most,

The things that appear in my imagination,

Are things that can so easily happen in reality.

Things that I know deep in my heart,

Are my fears that I can never run away from.

Derived from my personality,

My manner of thought.

These dreams,

They occur to me now as a blur,

A cliff-hanger.

540p.

I was not believed.

I was not trusted.

I was wronged for motives

From actions I took but did not mean.

Yet, I could not speak.

I could not articulate.

No one was willing to listen.

When I shook out of it,

I had a dark weight on my throat

And all down my chest.

Like my sternum could not rise and fall.

I shook out of it,

With eyes sealed tight,

But with quiet whimpers escaping my lips.

The pain was almost unbearable,

And I was convinced I was becoming out of my mind.

I was convinced,

I needed a doctor.

I was convinced,

That nothing could ever feel fine.

These came to me in flashes.

Like flipping pages, like passing photographs;

Like the window view through a moving train.

Somehow,

I drifted back into sleep.

I woke up properly,

4 hours after I went to bed.

I almost thought that it didn't really happen.

I almost didn't believe it.

But I was aware enough in that point in time,

To know that it was as real as it could be.

I realised that my nightmare

Was not the only of its kind.

Last night was a continuation.

And I wish with all my heart,

That it stops there.

It occurred to me,

That real life can be far scarier than any imaginary world can be.

1.11.15

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