Little Dummy

Today I saw a butterfly on the ground. Still, but upright. Not yet dead, but barely breathing.

I really wanted to stop and pick it up... not really sure why. Perhaps it was the awe of having such a beautiful, free creature be in my hands. Perhaps it was the want to just shake it to wake it up, say 'hey you little dummy, you're not supposed to die."

Such a creature, we associate freedom, magic and mystery with. I admire these things and it's always a magical experience when you get to get close to these creatures, or so happen they decide to land on your shoulder or flutter past.

I guess it puts things into perspective.

I thought about it for a while, and I realised that the reason why I was so upset and affected by seeing that butterfly helpless on the ground was that, I was snapped back to reality... 

Beautiful things come to an end too.

We really have no way to change this fact. It's nature, it's Life.

I read somewhere, that Death is not the end of Life, it is a part of it.

And although we all know that Death will come to us all one day, it never fails to make us feel pain and grief, fear and anxiety.

Because of this, I think we try our best not to think about Death.

We do that thing where we mentally "slide to power off". We push it to the back of our minds, cramming it in corners. 

Butterflies are not really things you can catch.

Well, if you are equipped with a net, perhaps you can. But there's really no other way to explain it, other than you will never feel the same power and magic, than letting the butterfly land on you itself, or even just land right in front of you. They are the sort of animals that always have somewhere to go and something to do, they fly past you, only to get to the next flower, and you are just a passing blob of 70% water. 

There's a sort of exclusivity and uniqueness to seeing a butterfly so close. 

And maybe I was just like "if I poke it, it'll probably just fall sideways like a capsized boat."

No longer on a mission, just on it's way to... whatever comes after Death.

When it's right in front of you, it loses that strong hold, that captivity that it has when you see it in flight. In front of you, it's just a dying butterfly. But high in the trees, far from your reach, it is unattainable, beautiful, magical, unexplainable. 

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This reminds me.

I was having a conversation with one of my best friends the other day. We were looking at the night sky from our tuition teachers house(ironic and such a downer, I know) but she lives on the 12th story and has such a great view.  Michaela and I literally spend so much time just staring at the sky, sometimes in absolute silence.

We started talking about stars. And I started sharing about my obsession with galaxies and planets and stars. She told me about a priest who came to her church once, and he preached to the stars. He showed pictures of stars and galaxies, all of the beauty in our skies. And he said that it is amazing that God creates such beautiful things, things that we can't necessarily see. He creates such beautiful things, yet, He created us. And still, He loves us. 

For one, it made me realise that we, humans, really are just products of the Heavens. We were created, just like everything else on this world is created. We can be taken away in a second, and everything we fought for- things like fame and fortune, they would just be useless. We are not in control. We never were. We fight for power over each other, because that's really all we can have power over. 

We continued talking about stars, and how much we haven't seen in this world. Both of us were thinking, "why are so many things created, so many things we can't see, touch or feel."
And at that point I said, "I guess Life is just a little boring when everything is known."

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When everything is made accessible to us, when nothing is uncertain, when nothing needs digging or discovery, when everything is on a silver platter, we lose the excitement of Life and Earth. We lose mystery and at the same time, we lose drive. We will just be laying around and saying, "I know everything, there is nothing to find out."

Death is a part of this unknown. Like the night sky, it is dark and deep. In Life, you get to a point where there is no more light to allow you to see, and like a sunset, light drains aways slowly and comes to a stop, darkness, and Death is just that. We don't know what happens in Death. Is Death a full stop? Are we forever in a circle of "THE END"? Or is Death another Life, another line continuing forward? 

There are so many questions, questions that can never be answered. And that is Life.

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I apologise if this blogpost confused you a heck load, perhaps it's my lack of better words and vocabulary. I'm dead tired now, so I won't be surprised if I read this tomorrow and just go "what the heck am I saying?". Anyways, that's it for this one! 

SEE YA!

Signing Off...

CLL