Confidence

If you're a frequent reader of my blog, you'll know I'm absolutely no exception to insecurities, low self-esteem... I think you get the picture. And I'm really in no position to advise anyone on how their self-esteem/confidence should be like. Everyone says we should a good amount of confidence in ourselves, but we all know that that's easier said than done. In this post, I'll just be writing about what I've learnt about confidence, its ups and its downfalls, but pretty much its ups. xD

I think many people think "confidence" as a negative thing.

'Confidence' itself is vague. However, if you describe someone as "confident", versus "arrogant", there's a significant difference between the two. Arrogance is basically a confidence to another level and to me, I think theres a very, very thin line between the two. Once you overshoot the traffic lights of "confidence", well, what else can I say.

But my point is, confidence is not a negative thing.

In fact, I think it's an amazing and powerful thing. Confidence can do wonders in how people view their life, and how others view each other. 

Pride in ones work, ones hard work, is confidence. Pride in how one is, to an extent, is confidence. I say "to an extent" because there are different levels as I've just mentioned. Theres a huge difference between "I accept and am proud of who I am, and I don't think there's anything to change" and "I'm perfect, I don't have anything to improve on, I'm better than you so go sh*t yourself." There wasn't really a need to put that last part there but just to get the point across :P

I think there's a glow in confident people. They really aren't afraid to make mistakes because they are afraid of how others will view them or what it will do to their reputation. Truly confident people, don't need the validation of others. They realise that they are human, they make mistakes, they can't control what cannot be controlled, and they work with it in a positive and 'can-do' mindset.

Oh gosh, look at me, I sound like a teacher giving a kid their "Class Behaviour" reviews.

But what I just mentioned, I think many, many people lack in.

Even for me, I constantly worry about what people will think of me, or when I "embarrass myself" in front of others, especially school mates or seniors or acquaintances-but-not-quite, I mentally slap myself in the face. It's like "oh sh*t that wasn't cool oh sh*t my life is ruined oh sh*t they are going to laugh at me with their friends" blah blah blah blah blah. And I'd be surprised if I heard that I am the only one who does this, which I'm pretty sure I'm not. In actual fact, most people don't really care about your 'embarrassments' or whatever you make out to be such a big deal in your head. And if they do, and they really go and laugh at you and make fun of you, just remember, when they actually do certain things that make them feel embarrassed or insecure, they beat themselves up 10 times worse. And that's a horrible way to live. 

One of the most attractive things about someone is, yup you guessed it, their confidence.

And I don't mean the "I LOVE GUYS THAT ARE CONFIDENT" type of thing, just people in general. Confidence literally radiates out of them. It makes people around them feel good. Most of the time, you know when a person is confident or not just by looking at them. Of course, a differentiation between confidence and arrogance requires a bit more than just a glance, but still, the way a person acts and carries his or her self, really determines and allows people to see whether he/she is confident or not. 

And the reason why I say confidence is one of the most attractive things about a person is that you know he/she doesn't need others to sing praises, and with that, doesn't need to look down on another person or judge another. There is such personal acceptance and contentment within themselves. And that says so much about a person. About how they view life, how they view and treat their friends, how they treat themselves. Confident people are usually never opinionated, because they are so content with themselves, they don't see the need to point out another person's flaws because of their unhappiness or insecurities- because they have none! You'll know when a person has stepped over the line of confidence to arrogance, when he/she does the total opposite and shoots a person down because of his flaws, or even his mere existence of flaws.

People with low self-esteem do the same, not because they think they don't have flaws, but because they feel so incredibly unhappy with themselves that there is this hate for any person that has a "better trait" or really anything that they admire. It's really sad when you think about it, because can you imagine what it'll be like if someone pointed out what was good about you, instead of make you a target because of what you have that they don't, and pick out your flaws and make fun of you. 

An all-round confident person is almost impossible, if not, incredibly rare.

But it is very much practical to lie in the 80% range of "confidence". Some people, of course, they have feelings and they get hurt by words that people say, but there is that choice they make of whether or not to let it affect them for the rest of their day/week/life, that separates them from the rest. 

I'm currently trying my best to become a more confident person and it is no easy feat, but I believe that one step at a time, I'll get there. We'll all get there.

I think it's okay to make mistakes and embarrass yourself and fall on your ass in public. At that moment, you can say "oh my god kill me now", but get over it. I'm trying to not let it get to me, and I'm trying not to brood over it too much. I can't tell you how many times in previous few years that I think about something and I literally want to hide in a hole for the rest of my life. But now that I think of it, I haven't had that feeling for a long time. Something that really helps me is just to laugh it off. Really. At the end of the day, "A day without laughter is a day wasted."

Something that I think many of us relate to, is the confidence around our friends, and basically other people around us. To be completely honest, I think our generation in general, is pretty fudging judgemental. Not everyone I know, but too many.

I don't know whether it's the exposure to media where you can say anything you want and most of the time not have any consequences, but it's actually to the point where most people can't even do something without having to worry about the retaliation that might come next.

And if I have to bring school into context, being in a girls school really is fantastic in the way that you have a lot in common with your friends and that it's really open.

But at the same time, it's like a silent war going on. Seriously though. 

"Did you see what she was wearing", "omg she's so weird", "omg she's such a teachers pet", "omg what the hell is she even doing that's so lame". 

I've actually heard all these things so often that it almost skims past my ears most of the time.

Nowadays, they don't even have to say it out loud, they just use their actions to gesture to their friends or whatever. It's horrible.

At the same time, I'm really not surprised.

Being girls at this age, we've succumbed to expectations, "norms", level of cool from 1 to 10. Popularity, opinions, "YOU ARE MY GOALS". With all these, there is insecurity, and we all know what happens between girls when there is insecurity, a group of friends, and a victim.

I take in all these comments. And there was a point, where I actually became paranoid. "What if she says that about me". I was so unsure and so scared, that I make wrong moves and I'll be called out and laughed at. This is probably where I need more work on, but little by little, I'm improving. And at the same time, it just becomes sympathy for me, because I think about how much sh*t they must give to themselves about their own insecurities.

You can do so much with confidence. It's really like a barricade, any negativity that anyone throws at you just bounces off. I think people really can sense confidence, and they know better than to try to bring them down. Maybe thats why confident people do everything that they like with so much freedom.

To end this off, heres a quote that I think really encompasses the meaning of confidence.

Thanks for reading and taking in a little bit of my ranting haha!

See ya!

Signing off...

CLL