How we live our life is determined by how we decide to take charge of it. And how we steer the wheel towards the best and fullest life we can have. However, there will be those times when you allow things to penetrate your thoughts, self-esteem and goals.
The constant reminder that 'You're not good enough.' or 'you can't do it.' People have their opinions. And I've learnt that we can't change that. We don't have to prove ourselves just to impress them. We don't have to change ourselves so that their impression on us is different. Maybe they can tell you that, perhaps, something needs to change. Whether it is your personality, the way you act or the people you hang around. Your personality is what makes you. It's the way you speak and act that portrays your personality. So I can act as someone completely different from who I really am. And it may be a choice or it may just be peer-pressure. And only yourself will know why you made this choice and only yourself will know truly, whether you are changing due to someone else.
So if this is really who I am, because I know it is, nobody can convince me to believe I'm the opposite. Because they can't define who I am. My values, choices, accomplishments and goals are the things that define me. I'm not something that someone else can mold into something other than myself.
I am not fat. I have fat. I'm strong and I'm healthy.
I am not fake or a wannabe. I'm me. You just didn't know 'me'. And I don't want to be something that is not me.
I'm not a loner. I like space. I don't feel the need to be surrounded by people all the time. Let alone people I'm not close to or can't trust.
Of course, I have made and may be still making mistakes in my life. But now is the time to make them, isn't it?
Because a day or week or month or even 10 years from now, I will learn that I don't need people to tell me what I am and what I'm not. I'm not a product. I'm not something you can change according to your liking. If anyone has a problem with me and how I live my life, I would rather they not be in my life at all. Because I don't need them. I don't need the thoughts of other people dominating my head. I don't need them telling me how to live the life that is mine to live.
I will exercise if I want and when I want.
I will eat the things I want and when I want.
I will do the things that I want to do.
You can be 'worried' that I'm not doing the 'right thing'. You can tell me that 'No, Li Ling, this is not you.' But hey. I am the only one who knows when I'm happy and what I'm happy about. You can't tell me that I am not happy because I am not being me. I'm still figuring out who I am. What in the world makes you think that you know more about me than I do myself?
You can't tell me 'no, thats not what you're doing' and 'no, you are just...'. You don't have the right to tell me that because I know the facts and I know exactly what I do. You are in no position to tell me what is and what is not.
The only reason that I doubt myself of my happiness and self-worth is when you mention it to me and make me over-think it. When people keep drilling BS in my head. I don't need that. And I don't want that anymore. I want to be firm and sure about the people & things that I love and make me happy. I won't doubt them anymore. It'll be unfair to them if I did.
I will find the people that deserve to be in my life. The people that will be there for me no matter what. And while doing that, I'll be ten times stronger than those who tried to bury me under their feet. Their words wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe
Thanks for reading!
Signing off...
CLL
No comments:
Post a Comment