Thoughts on -Suicide-

HELLLOOO (Marcus Butler intro) haha! Welcome back! It has been like 4 days since I last blogged but I was itching to get back on here. So heyy! Anyways, I won't be doing an 'update' blogpost(which is where I tell you what I have been up to for the past few days/weeks) today because I honestly haven't been doing anything else other then study for exams and actually having exams. Yup I started my FYE's(Final Term Exams) and I am literally stressing out!!

Anyways, today I will be mentioning a very serious topic. I decided to write on this topic because of a question I got on my askfm the other day. For those who don't know, askfm is basically a site where people can ask questions to a particular person and questioners can be known or completely anonymous. So I got this question - 'Opinion on Suicide'. It actually scared me quite a bit when I first read the question. Am I the only one who gets chills or gets nervous whenever you see the word 'suicide'?
If you do, its not a bad thing and you're not alone. 'Suicide' is indeed a big word and along with it, comes a big meaning. Before I start on anything else, here is how I answered the question(questioner was anonymous btw)

It was a bit too long for my phone to screenshot everything but all I said was that this was the summarised version and then I told whoever that asked the question that I would make a blogpost on it and that she should see it basically. (BTW the second line I meant 'about what they are doing')

So how should I start on this... 

OKAY! well, first off can I just start off by telling all the people reading this that are suicidal/feeling somewhat hopeless, thank you for being so strong to carry on. I think it takes great courage and strength to not give up even though it seems like all the odds are against you. I have never felt suicidal before but don't think that I won't 'understand' you guys. Of course I will not be able to relate to you 100% because I might not have been in your situation before but once again, these are my thoughts on suicide and all you really need is to take in some opinions/thoughts on it. It won't hurt just doing that. 

Suicide is a big issue. Bigger then one will think. 800 000 to a million people die of suicide a year. And if we really think about it, 800 000 to a million people caused their own death. Many will argue that pain/bullies or whatever they were dealing with caused their death. But all in all, they had that choice whether or not to pick up that razor. Death is what humans are most afraid of. Its nature.  Many people will say that 'oh I wasen't afraid' but whether we want to admit it/show it or not, there will still be some form of stress/nervousness 'cast upon' us. 

A lot of people will say that they had no choice. Or that there is more pain in living. Or that no one will care if they disappear. Or that they will be doing INSERT NAME HERE a favour. 

Wake up call. It's time to start actually caring about yourself now. Delete all the people that bring you down from your life. I know its harder then hitting a 'delete' button but if you have the will, you'll be able to do it. Life is so much more than the word 'loser' written on a piece of paper. More than a thousand spitballs being thrown at you. More than the dirty looks people might shoot you. It is so so so much more than that. 

One of the main reason why people commit suicide is because they are in a state of depression or maybe crying out for help.  Relationships are also what causes many teenage suicides. By relationships, I mean being socially isolated or being a victim of bulling(please do leave a comment/tweet me/ask me on askfm whether you would like me to focus a specific post on bullying). Many of the topics I mention, branch out into many vast problems and it is almost impossible for me to include all of these problems into one headline. So, in this post, I would specifically be talking about things how I feel might be helpful to someone who is suicidal.

1) Get your physical and mental state in the right place. Find a place where you feel happy and comfortable(and please please do not mistake this for something else, I mean on earth). For example, re-do your room so that you can feel happy and free. You need your own space to be able to make your own decisions. You can even go to the library or to the park or anywhere you love. Apart from physically, you also need to focus on your mentality. Think happy thoughts. Times when you were genuinely able to smile or laugh or memorable times. You need to stop having negativity in yourself especially when sometimes, you might have negativity from the outside world fighting against you. This brings me to the next point...

2) Surround yourself with positivity. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you and your well-being. If you feel like you have no one, watch videos that make you laugh. It will really cause you to feel this positive energy when you are able to let out a chuckle or laugh. If you have a pet, he/she can also be your bestest friend. You don't need to depend on someone else to be happy. Its all your choices(read Thoughts on -Happiness-) All in all, find a source of happiness and positivity.

3) Reach out for help when needed. Okay, this point I will elaborate a lot because I experienced some things mentioned. 

I know that this is what a lot of people will tell you to do. They will tell you to 'talk to someone about your problems' and stuff like that. And if you were like me at one point in time where I pretty much had nobody to lean on, people will tell you 'go talk to your teachers or counsellers'. Hah. Yea easier said than done. I am quite sure that there will be many people out there that will feel the same way. I mean, we are not used to telling people about these things because they just leave us open and vulnerable. Sure, 'teachers and counsellers are always there to help you' but as much as that is true, some of us are not usually willing to open up on the troubles we have been through. 

Why? Well for me, I absolutely hate crying in front of people. What I hate more? The pity faces and the 360 degree change of attitude towards me. I mean, I personally don't feel comfortable with people crowding around me or holding my hand or patting my back when I cry especially with people I don't know very well. It's just a really awkward situation for me. 

If you feel the same way, don't worry you're not alone haha. I think my best advice will to be to have a diary or blog to write about your troubles or feelings. If you have read my previous posts, it gets really emotional and deep. But I guess thats how I deal with myself. I also give a lot of advice in my posts and fun fact! These advice are usually meant to encourage/help myself. Well of course other people reading my blog but most of the time for me to analyse things and the situation I am in. so go ahead and get a diary and decorate it with pretty things and things that make you happy. Use coloured pens or stickers to describe the mood you are in etc. This will help you get comfortable with your challenges and perhaps be able to tell someone about them soon enough.

So I guess this is all I have for this topic :) I hope i have managed to help some people out there and thank you guys so much for reading!

P.S. if you were looking for a message to tell you to survive today, here it is.

(double p.s. I stole that from tumblr :) 

LOVE YA!!

Signing out...

CLL

Holiday plans 2013 :)

Hellooooo ^^ what's up! Oh my god can we just take a second to talk about how much I am excited for the holidays? HONESTLY! Majority of the world already had their summer vacation and I, well, am mugging at my literature textbook with a highlighter and pen at 2 am. #hardtruth. But seriously, I cannot wait to start relaxing and going all 'I AM FREEE'.
I thought I would take this chance to just talk to you guys a bit and just fangirl about what I plan to do for the upcoming holidays(soon enough) & is it appropriate to call it 'fangirling'? haha I don't even know. But yea lets get on with it shall we? ^_~

WELL, so where should I start? Okay why don't I tell you guys about the upcoming fashion channel and my personal channel. For any newcomers reading my blog, (hello I'm Li Ling you can call me CLL, I love unicorns and coco crunch) what I am actually talking about are my youtube channels :) so Angie and I have already planned on some outfits and we are going to start filming after exams(especially because I got my new camera!!!) and I really hope you guys will enjoy the videos we put up. Do comment constructive criticism as well as things we do well and should continue on. It's a whole different ball game that we will be going to play so we will need some guidance on the field.
As for my personal channel, I will probably start filming 'Follow me around' vlogs and travel dairies(which I will mention later). I also have some advice videos up my sleeve so I'm uber excited!

Oh yea! I have some amazing news! I have created my new fashion blog! oOOOOooooo haha! I'm so stoked for more style profiles and pictures and everything so do check it out - fashionfluentx.blogspot.com
Haven't posted much on there but I think it's because exams are basically the only thing clouding up my mind haha! I will post there soon when i get back my inspiration ^_~

SO! For my holidays, I will be going on some trips out with my friendies :D I don't really know what we are going to do yet but we are definitely going to USS(Universal Studios SG) which I can't wait for!!! I heard a lot of the rides will be closed but whatever. My friend told me I could get an annual membership card for free or something so I'll just go there a bunch of times. It will be so fun omg!

During the holidays I also really want to catch up on all the shows and movies that I have missed. Pretty Little Liars, Twisted, Sam & Cat are some TV shows. For movies would probably be Smurf 2(or was it 3 OMG haha!), This is Us and Despicable Me 2. Apart from all the 'visuals' I also want to start reading the books that I have been putting off for way too long. I am still reading Paper Towns(after so long) and I really want to read the Divergent series as well as the Mortal instruments series before I watch the movies. John Green will also probably be in there somewhere because he is the love of my life(apart from Jimmy neutron and Mike Wazowski). 

Speaking of books which in my head equals up to 'going to a whole different world', I WILL BE GOING TO HONG KONG!!! I am so friggin excited! For the most part I'm excited because it will be all cold there and lord knows how long it has been since I last went to a place where it was 'cold'. I am so super duper stoked to start wearing my cute socks and boots and my awesome knit beanie. Who knows? I might actually really start being overly attached to beanies and buy a whole bunch of them to wear back here in SG(which is a fashion plus but not really weather appropriate). Yea I will be shopping a whole lot.
This is not confirmed yet but I PROBABLY WILL BE GOING TO NEPAL EVEN IF I DON'T KNOW WHETHER HONG KONG IS ALREADY TOO MUCH AND MOM WANTS TO PUT OFF THE NEPAL TRIP. But yea my mom wants to go to Nepal soon and I am actually quite excited for the sight-seeing and trekking. I'm a pretty fit person(I'm just trying to make myself feel better haha!) 

And in the topic of my mom, she will be free starting October and she's planning to start working on the house. You know organising and all that jazz. I'm going to be helping her with re-decorating the study room too! 

So as you can see from that ginormous chunk of words that I will be preeettyy busy. Honestly, I don't know how or why I can come up with so much words in one blog post. *sorry if i'm overwhelming anyone* But yea this is it for this blog post and I hope you guys enjoyed reading!
              
                                                          LOVE YA! (credit to this adorable kid)

Signing out...

CLL

Dealing with humans

Hey guys :) Today I'll be writing another blog post about a specific topic and not a blog post about all the stuff I've been up to and just random stuff in my head haha!
So the very interesting heading up there.. 'Dealing with Humans'. It literally makes me sound like I am alien or something but hey, some people really seem to be from another world(AND ARE SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND!)

    So, quite recently I have realised that my time is precious and that I should spend it wisely. To spend it on the things I love to do and not regret, but more importantly, to spend it with the right people. I have met so many people that are in my life for all the wrong reasons. People who just want to gain something from me or just love 'drama'. Am I the only one who has 'friends' that you have fought with several times then make up but you still have this feeling like they are still against you or secretly hating on you? Whilst typing that sentence one particular quote I thought of was 'Most of the time the one you would take a bullet for is usually the one behind the gun.'

I couldn't agree more.

     However, I'm not saying that we should be overly insecure or so 'afraid' that we don't want to meet new people or trust anyone. I'm just saying that when you do meet someone, you have to listen to yourself. You, yourself, will know whether you have this 'secret, unknown' barrier in between you and them. You will know when you are not 100% comfortable with them and you will know when you are not yourself/ are straining yourself to do something else you would normally do.

If you really can't figure anything out and your thoughts are a mess, you probably haven't been spending much time with yourself. Learn to love being with people. But also learn to love being with yourself. You need to get to know and understand everything about yourself because no one else will know you as much as you do. Discover things you love as well as hate. Learn to go with your instincts and trust yourself. 
     I personally am both a people person as well as a kept-to-myself person. I like the background noise of giggles and chatter. I also like plain white silence. Yes, thats how I picture silence. 
 I like the comfort and security of someone beside me. Whether they are my friends or just family. I like talking about the things that happened that day or that week. I also like listening to their stories. 
But, I also feel a sense of independence and easiness by myself. I like bus rides home with no one beside me. Just the sounds in my iPod. I like how I think about everything and anything when I watch the world outside that window and get lost in my thoughts. 

     Sometimes, I really find the need to get away from all these people. All these humans. Its times like this when the only person I need, is myself. It's not selfish or narcissistic or ungrateful. Its completely normal that sometimes you just need time alone. To listen to yourself and just think in peace.     

     Sometimes there are so many people with messy thoughts, messy emotions, messy words, messy actions that you just want to part with the messiness. 

     Sometimes the room is too small or there are too many people that all you want to do is run and hide in a quiet corner when you can actually hear your thoughts again. Where your senses can actually settle down and your eyes can actually focus on something that is not moving again. 

After all this jazz, its time to face the world.

There are many types of people in this world. 7 billion people is a whole lot of numbers. A whole lot of people. And in your life you will encounter some people who are what people call, 'mean'. An understatement. In reality, these people are horrible, selfish, parsimonious, egotistical, penurious, annoying, hurtful, insane, inhuman and completely oblivious.

You will find someone you love with all your heart but you'll also find someone you hate that much.

It works as a balance.

You can't possibly live under a rock your entire life and say that thats the only way you can refrain from getting hurt. You have to go out there one day and face everything and everyone. Your fears will always be right behind you but you can't let them squeeze you dry. There will certainly be people there to step on your hands when you are trying to get back onto safe grounds. The people that will push you back down into the hot hard earth they stamp their feet on. The people that can crush you like you're that pathetic piece of dirty paper someone left their footprints on that can no longer be used.

Of course those footprints will forever be ingrained in your heart. The black marks that can never be erased and the more you try to erase it the more you will tear. 

However, you just have to understand that all these moments with all these humans and all these challenges and all the times you have been the bowling pin, will make you that much more of a strong and beautiful person.

I know this was a long post but it was all I had to say :)

Hope you guys found inspiration & enjoyed this post.

LOVE YA!

Signing out...

CLL

New camera! + thoughts || CyberTalk

Hey guys! So from the title of this post you would know that.. I GOT A NEW CAMERA!

I have been saving up for a camera for quite a while now and it was a very spontaneous decision to buy one at the Comex fair yesterday. I ended up getting a Canon Powershot G15 which is not as compact as most of the other cameras in the Powershot series but its definitely not as bulky and big as the Canon DSLR's. It also has amazing photo and video quality with amazing auto-focus. I got it at the fair for $549 instead of $599 but not only the fact that we got a discount, the camera also came along with many amazing freebies(the main reason why we bought it at the fair and not anywhere else). It came with 2 SD cards, a strap that goes around your neck, a leather casing, some really amazing mint headphones and a.. iHOME! yes! an iHome. Its a really basic blue cube speaker and I am absolutely in love with it. So I think that this camera was so so worth it for its price plus all the goodies.

I plan on making so many more videos with this camera. I won't necessarily upload all of them to Youtube but I do plan on making more travel diaries and I really want to stretch and improve my photography skills. I have realised that I have a big passion for photography but I never really had the chance to further develop and improve when mostly all I had was my iPhone. My sister also had quite a few camera's that she passed on to me. One Sony camera and another big DSLR. And don't get me wrong. These camera's are great but I really don't know how to use them. The video quality on the Sony camera is not really good and the DSLR(I don't know which brand is from) can't take videos at all. The DSLR is also so confusing to use and I guess there was a reason why my sister gave it to me and bought a new and improved one.

My mom had actually bought it for me as a birthday present but I paid her back last night. One, because I thought it was my way of paying her back for buying me all the craft stuff I made her buy for me last time and two, because I know people will think I'm spoilt or unappreciative or get everything I want. I had quite a close friend that lives near me but once I told her that my mom was getting me a camera she said 'eh why you're mother always get everything you want one?'. She may have said it sarcastically but it annoyed me quite a bit.

SO YEAAA THATS MY WHOLE ENTIRE CHUNK OF WORDS ABOUT  MY CAMERA HAHA! Oh yea! I wanna show you some pictures I took with my camera.

Yup :) Thanks for reading! LOVE YA

signing out...

CLL

Thoughts on -Happiness-

hello beauties or handsomies? I don't even know. Haha yes, I am back and yes, I do realise that I have been blogging way more often nowadays and I don't know whether you guys like it better or not but whatever haha. Anyways, as you can tell from this title, it's gonna be yet another one of those cheesy blog posts that people like me always seem to do. I really wanted to talk to you guys about being happy. And since I think pretty much no one else reads this blog other than probably 5 other people, this is just going to be advice for myself I think. 

Define the word 'happy'. Yup just take a moment right now to think about this. Because so many people have different definitions of happiness. But the feeling is always the same. I'm just going to try to describe this feeling here. Joy. With no hesitation or no need to pretend or fake. That surprising ease of smiling or laughing. Yea thats the best I can do haha. So back to my 3rd sentence of this paragraph(calculative much?). Different definitions of happiness. For example, you're a dare devil. You love adrenaline rushes and definitely are not afraid very easily. Then theres a shy, kept to himself/herself person. Gets scared really easily, does NOT like change. Put both of them on a helicopter to go skydiving. The dare devil would probably be elated. The shy guy? Well, not so much. So obviously theres a huge difference between what we call 'happiness' depending on our personalities or likings. You can't blame someone for being a 'party-pooper' or whatever when you dragged that person into doing things that you like when he/she obviously does not want to be a part of it. 

HOWEVER! There is a HUGE HUGE HUGE difference between someone who is naturally scared easily(which can be helped) and someone who just has a 'I hate everything' mindset. Of course, we have to excuse some people that are just not having a good day or just 'PMSing'. But at the same time..

Yes. Happiness is a choice. You can't blame the world and complain *whiny sassy voice* 'Oh my god, why is it so hard to be happy' or 'Oh my god, I feel so down all the time'

No.

No, no, no, no.

Cause' you know what? You are in charge of your own life. Doesn't mean if you are having a bad day that you can't smile or laugh at something that is genuinely funny to you. You can't do that and then complain that the world is just going against you. The shy guy can probably say 'Well, I might puke and might black out but oh my god im on a helicopter and I can touch the clouds. Cool.' yea that might be just me but even still you get what I mean. Are you seriously just going to sit on that god damn helicopter and cry and sulk and give everyone in the world the cold shoulder? Are you seriously going to go on for the rest of your life thinking that God is cruel and people are disgusting and selfish? Honestly, I have met way too many people like this. Why can't you just let go for once and just go for it? 

If it's really something you always wanted to do but you're scared, it's okay. You can catch the second helicopter. Or the third. As long as you get on that helicopter and skydive for the first time because that was just something you really wanted to do for your whole life, you have succeeded. And I can't even explain how amazing it will feel after you let yourself feel happy and not have a care in the world. Yea you might puke in mid-air and it would get in a pigeons eye, but one day you will look back and say 'oh my god that was one of the highlights of my life' and then you would laugh at yourself for puking out your blueberry pancakes you ate that morning. 

Happiness is seriously such an amazing feeling. If you really don't feel happy that day, tell yourself that if you were going to die the next day, would you rather smile today and cry tomorrow or cry both days? If you can't get yourself to be happy, smile. Force it if you have to. Studies have shown that your body has an effect on your mind. If you smile, somehow, you will feel happier. 

So here is a cool pic I found....

Thank you so much for reading this :)

Signing out...

CLL