They keep telling me that what it is is just me making things up.

That it's nothing.

And that's what it is.

Nothing.

Emptiness.

That's it.

Let's Talk (:

HIYA!

Waddup internet friendsies?! Oh yes, the holidays have been good to me and I sure do hope that everyone feels the same. The first week is always piled with extra classes and CCA but its okay, you have 3 more weeks! And so today I really wanted to blog but I didn't really know what to blog about so here I am, deciding to blog about random stuff that has happened recently!

Yes, I did just say the word 'blog' 3 times in one sentence.

ANYWAYS, some of you might have seen my hate on askfm and... yea xD

But I just wanted to thank all the really really sweet people who stood up for me. You guys honestly have no idea how much it means to me to say all those really sweet things and it just warms my heart.  All your comments have provided comfort and a sense of security for me.

I'm not really that affected by the hate. I have realised that I seem to be processing things slower recently and I don't know, I just don't really care about the haters. And I feel kinda weird because I'm usually the type of person to overthink everything and take in everyone's opinion on me. But I'm not complaining haha!

So yes, also a little shoutout to a really nice reader on my askfm. You know who you are (: And thank you. It's really encouraging to know that people enjoy my blog, even when it's just a platform for me and the documentation of my life. 

Another thing that I've been going through lately is some friend thing and I will not name the person. But I have had a lot of self-discovery recently and I have realised a lot about myself. But of course, there are some things that I can never figure out. I don't know, my brain just works that way I guess. And I don't know whether I should be blogging about this but I think I will just because I'm really really hoping someone out there actually understands what I'm going through. And if there is... well... thank god you're not alone.

But yea... I've been feeling really insecure around a friend... sometimes a group of friends recently. And I think it's going to be a little too obvious but whatever. And I keep trying to tell myself that it is me overthinking things. But I know in my heart that I'm not - even though I am a crazy over thinker most times. I love that group of people but I don't know them well. I don't know much about them at all. And I don't think it should be that way. I should spend time with them, individually, and truly get to know them. Not because two of my pretty close friends are really good friends with them. 

And I've also strayed away from one of my close friends. I don't quite know why yet. I mean I don't know how to say it but I feel like it would be better if we were not that close. I know it sounds so stupid but thats genuinely what I think. Because I feel like I can't communicate with her. And maybe it's just me being stubborn and annoying. But it turned out the wrong way. It was so awkward. And I didn't want it to be. I just wanted it to be the same... just that there's more space.

I don't really know what I'm looking for. It's really frustrating trying to figure out my thoughts.

Also... I feel like ever since that happened... the people that I thought were going to be there for me... just weren't. And that's sad. I tell myself that now I know who my true friends are. But still... it's sad.

WOW it's getting deep can you even see me anymore? haha!

Anyways yea thats my little chit chat with you guys since I feel like i haven't done one in a while now. Thanks for reading peeps!

Much Love!

Signing off...

CLL

Find comfort in the pitter patter of the raindrops.

Find security within your own skin.

Find beauty in dried, withered flowers.

Find hope even in the times most unlikely.

- Li Ling

She tried.

Oh she tried.

She spent so much of her life

Trying to help others

But with their broken pieces

She cut herself.

She tailed behind them

Trying to help to pick up the shards of glass

Without knowing that all she would be 

Would be just that.

Shards,

Never complete,

Never finding each other.

She crumbled down along with them.

And along with the sight of their suffering.

She asked, not quite sure to who,

"Why?"

To her

It seemed unfair

That even the most deserving of happiness

Suffered such hardship.

She tries to tell herself

That life would find a way to perhaps,

Strike a balance

But its hard to have faith in that

When she witnesses

Life seep away from one's eyes,

Light lost forever.

She tells herself

That she wouldn't do this.

That she wouldn't do what she has told so many not to.

She tried.

Oh she tried.

She manages to get through some days

But other days it was just too much.

And her scars

Were painful reminders

Of everything she wrongly blamed herself for-

The pain she has witnessed,

And the unfairness of life.

---------------------------------------------

- Li Ling

-Writing-

HEY!

Whaddup! The June holidays are right around the corner and wow am I excited. I bet you guys already have loads of plans for the upcoming holiday and may I just take this chance to tell you that you deserve this break and you should definitely make the best of it! Have loads of fun and make lots of memories! Every summer vacation counts right?

Anyways, in many other posts, I have expressed my love for writing and how I think that writing can be amazing self-therapy. In this post, I'll be raving more about it. (Don't get tired of me please haha!)

Of course, I need to keep in mind that not everybody shares the same interests and has the same personalities. Some people may enjoy writing more and some people enjoy talking to someone more. 

If you are not one of those people who enjoy writing more, its okay! Its great that you have your own special ways of doing things. 

 I have come across people who say they want to write and enjoy writing but because they think their English is not good or they don't know how to start and etcetera. But here I am to tell you that if you like and enjoy writing(or doing anything rather), go for it. It doesn't matter if you're insecure about your language abilities. Don't let something like that hinder you from doing what you like (:

I personally think that writing is a great way of expressing your thoughts and feelings, whether they are good or bad and in turn can also help with the coping of stress. Life can get real shitty sometimes and you need an outlet to vent your frustration, hurt or anger. Don't keep it all inside you because you will explode. Trust me. Been there, done that! And I know that some of us are not always up for venting it out on physical activities sometimes because y'know we have our lazy days. And I also do know of the things that may keep us from talking to someone about it. We might be afraid of being judged for being upset over a really small thing for example and maybe we haven't found the right person that we trust yet. Thats okay! Find another way and mine, has been writing.

I started my first diary at the age of 8. 

 And for those who are insecure about your English or anything, at that point in my life I had to take extra spelling and pronunciation classes during recess because I couldn't spell nor pronounce. My English honestly was NOT the best as you can see from my spelling errors in the picture HAHA. Wow I'm so 'scard'.

And I had another in 2009-2010.

As you can see, I was pretty dedicated. HAHA.

Anyways, I think that with your diary you don't have any limits. Write curse words all you want to express exactly how angry you are. Write as long or as short as you want. Use the worst English and paste pictures and draw on it, scribble wildly if you are frustrated etc. You don't have to think about what other people's opinions are because this book is yours and its up to you to use it. 

If you don't how to start, start by randomly writing down your feelings or something you saw that day that ignited a feeling in you some way or another. You don't have to have the best sentence structure. Your English teacher won't be reading it nor grading it. If you are like me and your thoughts are cray cray, just write out whatever is in your head without thinking. I find that this works better when typing because I type faster than I write. And thats good because my thoughts run like theres no tomorrow.

I kinda like having a diary because of this fact- that I have the freedom and the clear mind that won't be clouded with the questions of whether or not people will judge me.

Looking through the pages I laugh at how weird I was. And how I wrote about catching a grasshopper with my best friend and how I was crying because my mother didn't allow me to have a dog xD. And I smile because it brings back the memories of how I was when I was when I was younger. 

I still love writing to this day and I don't think that love is ever going to fade. It is not just a habit anymore its a part of me. I don't own a diary right now. Because I'm still looking for the perfect book for it HAHA! But in the mean time, I type in word documents and save them in my computer. Yes yes of course I do write on my blog, but sometimes things are a tad bit too complicated and confusing to understand, even for me, let alone my readers!

So don't hold back and write all you want. Sometimes, it gets hard to express how you feel in words, I get you haha! But this is really an amazing way to get that weight off your chest. 

I'll leave you with a picture I found the other day that does not exactly pertain to writing. But I guess writing is just one of the ways I 'put the glass down'.

Thanks for reading & have an amazing day!

SEE YA!

Signing off...

CLL

I’m so tired of saying no and waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before. Counting every calorie I consumed so I know exactly how much self-loathing to take into the shower. I’m going for it. I have no interest in being obese; I’m just through with the guilt. So this is what I’m going to do, I’m going to finish this pizza and then we’re going to go watch the soccer game and tomorrow we’re going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.

- Liz // Eat Pray Love