a step sideways

recent thoughts have been a series of folding and unfolding, a step forward- no a step sideways. the stirring of online activity over the murder of George Floyd has prompted a lot of this; has pushed an intense critical eye on myself, my beliefs, prejudices, and actions. Or the lack thereof.

today's yoga session (i'm on Day 23): "where attention goes, energy flows." i turn that over in my mind, and am wholly unsatisfied with the largely inward-looking tendency of mine. i recognise a lot of selfishness, concern over public opinion (as much as i cheat myself into thinking i don't hold regard for), concern over a certain aesthetic. it is in my position of privilege that i am able to do so, and at the same time i remind myself not to take that for all it is. that privilege not necessarily translates only to gratitude but makes space for that much more action, indignation, and reflection.

i have a long, long way to go, and i don't presume to have any conclusions nor answers.

xx