akaCLL

I suppose we were all meant to come and go, in and out of relationships, of everything. And the ones who get left always feel it the most, and the ones who do the leaving barely know that's what they're doing.

It sucks that I feel you leaving this much and this hard. Most times I can shake it off and say "well, that's the way of life." But not for you. The distance between us sends pangs that shake my earth and I can only grasp on for air. I have so many theories, prepositions, blame-games, but eventually you realise that the Why doesn't matter. It can't wheel you back into my life the way you were in it, regardless how many times you say you will not leave. Because the leaving already began.

A catalyst. She was the catalyst. And that's none of her fault-- we often waltz into lives with the purest of hearts with no particular intention. She only sent your waves diverging, your waves which I seemed not destined to ride from the start.

My fiascos... for as long as I've been able to remember. Because it is better to hurt and strip away than feel the slow, scalding process. For milliseconds you hammer it enough for me to think I'm really completely, surely, only paranoid. And I hate that you do; you make me feel like I don't know anything.

You don't know anything, I repeat over and over. My mind was sober.

Because the leaving already began.