Vicky the Legend & Elle the Alien

Dear you,

Just this Tuesday, I spoke to the student population about my views on circles. I spoke about learning to accept that more often than not, who we are cannot be wholly encompassed by distinct categories that we unknowingly try to fit ourselves into. Categories such as "Science/Art kid," "Sporty/Not Sporty," even "Nerdy/Sporty," which are often believed to be mutually exclusive. For the longest time now, I have tried to understand myself based on how I fit into these labels and have found my efforts to be close to fruitless. But the repeated attempts, the meeting roadblocks of self-definition, the hair-pulling, the brow furrowing... has all culminated into a stark realisation of the possibility that perhaps, we aren't meant to understand, and be understood at all.

For how do we ever cease discovering and changing to ever come to a point of steadiness; an equilibrium that holds still long enough to draw associations to the finite number of which our own knowledge of the world is derived from? Would we ever be satisfied even, with the limitations of those self-same categories, to be all which we are and can ever be?

Because I've found that maybe we subconsciously attempt to understand ourselves by our adherence to such labels for the hope of simply being able to comprehend who we are, in the only way we know how. And perhaps this means we will always be lapsing into these socially-constructed outlines of what relates and what makes sense, grasping at the things we are familiar with to mould something comprehensible of ourselves. However, even with this knowledge of the difficulty to detach from a habit almost as innate as blinking, I hoped to share my thoughts with my peers to urge them not to limit themselves based on the pre-conceived categories they have set themselves in. I shared the opportunities and experiences I have had the pleasure of having, simply by being more accepting of possibilities; my various metamorphoses. Because it was only through my interest in my physical surroundings and in Science, that I decided to participate in a overseas Science research program when I was 15 despite my being labelled an "Arts Kid". And it was only my brushing aside my belief of not being "sporty" that I tried out for ODAC. Both of these experiences have made an incredible impact on my life, helping me break many barriers of self-limitation, and allowing me to meet wonderful people who have only taught me more.

It was hence at a perfect timing when my old friend from the 2015 Science trip contacted me to meet up while she is here on holiday. Today, I ate Makisan for dinner with her on the floor of my bedroom, catching up on the lost years that have passed since we enjoyed discovering and learning about the beautiful town of Da Lat, Vietnam. It turns out that Vicky's life has been immensely happening and simply awe-inspiring. As I listened to her talk about her scoring a scholarship to study in Austria and about her fellowship with Harvard, I often had to take a few moments to process the wonder that flooded my mind. Goosebumps rose on my arms as she shared about the almost miraculous process of her finding her current school, the places she has visited, and the people she has met along the way. I kept repeating, "You're living the dream."

I truly was listening to stories that only appeared in my imaginations; the opportunities she has had to explore the world and its inhabitants, as well as to intellectually stimulate herself and push her own boundaries filled me with admiration and envy. But I was also starkly aware of the amount of hard work and effort she must have put in to earn the opportunities she has had, and it washed over me again that where there is a will, there is always a way. I reflected on myself, and I still do, asking myself questions such as "what held me back?" and "why had I never thought to..." Because Vicky's platforms to find the path she has had were also available to me, yet in her short 16 years she has already found a way to experience and learn so much more.

In this week where I was reminded about the pressing need to begin acting on my applications to universities (a stressful and honestly dreadful process), meeting up with Vicky was not just a beautiful reunion of old friends, but has also provided me with inspiration and drive to seek out what I dream of without fear and without inhibition. After all, my future is mine to create and strive towards, and regardless of where life takes me, I hope I will go forth with the knowledge that I've put in every inch of my best effort.

xx,
CLL