akaCLL: 2014

Was contemplating on doing yet another update blog post but then I thought that since a brand new year will start in 2 days time, it's time to do a little "flashback" session.

Year 2014 passed by so quickly, I could barely keep up.

Honestly, at the end of each year, I always look back and wish that time could pass more slowly but this year was especially so. It was filled with some of the highest points in my life as well as some of my lowest but either way, these things all made up one of the best years of my existence- no kidding.

There's one thing I did this year that I'm most proud of and I know that it's just the start of the journey. This year, I made myself step out of my comfort zone. And that is one of the best decisions I've ever made. It allowed so much growth and improvement in myself.

For one thing, I pursued Drama. It was something that I was interested in for a while now. I can safely say that the task of acting in front of an audience is not as daunting as it used to be. I usually have very bad stage fright, but now, performing is a passion and the applause is another great reward. The art of performing is something I'll keep close with me forever.

I made myself do things that I had second guesses about, whether it was because I lacked self-confidence or just courage, I added little things to my life that helped me build a lot of confidence over time. This is just the beginning and I'm definitely excited for more things to come and conquer the next year.

This year was also the time when I took care of myself better. I learned to love myself and it really just amazed me how much I don't care very much what people think of me anymore. Last time, one small thing would bring my day down but that's no longer the case. And that's something I consider a very big milestone crossed.

Of course, there was some bad times in the year.

To build self-confidence is a journey, and along that journey you might fall. I succumbed to overthinking and demoralisation many times and I found myself in the deepest pit of self-pity and regret. It weighed down on me and I made some bad decisions in turn but I guess the new year will just be a time to move forward and not look back.

But to add on the things that were amazing this year,

I HAD THE FLIPPIN BEST BIRTHDAY OF MY LIFE and I also got so much closer to more people and I built many good relationships!

The new year is a chance for every single one of us to let go and move forward. You cannot live in the past, nor can you be stagnant at the same place forever. Find excitement in change, growth and adventure- it's something I've learned to enjoy.

Don't let the dread of the school work and new syllabus make you dread the new year. Think about all the great things you can achieve in the future and let your heart open to every new opportunity.

I'll be doing an update post very soon due to the activity-packed last week so look forward to that! But if I don't blog till the first of January, have a happy New Year everybody!

Thanks for reading!

SEE YA!

Signing off...

CLL

Hello beautiful people of the internet!

How has December been treating y'all? The rainy season has returned here in Singapore and I have absolutely no complaints! The rain can never dampen the festive spirit :p

I'm back with another update post as usual haha! So many things have been happening this holiday and I've been kept very occupied. (Still need to finish my homework though!)

Movie with the friendlies - 3 December

I always find time to spend with people I love and care about and it was an absolute must to see Hashimah and Tammie for lunch and a movie together! We ate, watched Mockingjay Part 1(very very disappointed) and spent at least 2 hours at McCafe talking. It was so great to catch up with them and I'm so pumped to see them soon again!

Riverlife Church Movie Night - 5 December
Self-discovery always starts with learning new things so when Lauren invited me to her church to watch "Holy Ghost" I was more than up for it. I met up with Lauren and two of her church friends, Dylan, 15, and Mathew, 16, for lunch. It was very nice meeting them and they were not at all awkward which made it so much easier for me to loosen up after not meeting new people for a while. I just had one teeny tiny problem... they paid for my lunch and didn't let me pay them back! Of course, I appreciate it but I really did want to pay them for at least my share of the meal. I didn't get to know them SUPER well and until now it still bothers me HAHA but met a lot of people and had a really good time! If you want to know more about my experience and takeaways, its all in the post before this!

I met Anne there as well and she's so nice I can really see myself getting along with her!!! She's beautiful as well - everyone there is actually friggin pretty I can't even.

Mother's Birthday dinner! - 6 December

My mom is literally my most favourite person in the entire universe and she deserves the best of everything. My sister offered to pay for our meal at this really cool dining place with yachts and lights and boats and water.

I felt pretty badass not gonna lie :P

This pic has no filter; the lights were beautiful.

WE SAW THIS HUGE YACHT AND IT WAS FRIGGIN MASSIVE YOU HAVE NO IDEA AND WE WAVED AT THE PEOPLE ON BOARD

Girl's just gotta have fun ^.^

Guys, am I Victoria Secret Angel yet?

Yes, on the left, my safety shorts can be seen but izokaii.

Of course my sister had to do some outfit shots and I got into it as well ^^

Out with Sidney & Oi Wei - 10 December
I went to Sidney's house for some lasagna and I must say, she's pretty good at it. After that, we met up with the babe Oi Wei and went everywhere I'm not even kidding we went all over East Singapore HAHA!

(when in doubt wear shorts and a tee :P)

Church Service - 13 December

(long diary entry ahead)

I really wanted to experience what a normal day at church would be like- not just the parties or the movie nights. So one Saturday I went ahead to Lauren's church again and she introduced me to her cell mates and I got to know so many great people. They really made me laugh and it truly is a gift to have met them.
We then proceeded to a huge auditorium-type room and I sat amongst them. There were lights and there were music and initially I was quite confused because it seemed like a concert to me. People crowded around the stage and sang along until told to be seated. We were told to stand up, reach out or have our palms facing upwards and then everyone started singing. Singing with such passion and power. There were no formalities or trying to be "cool" or trying to keep an image, it was simply just belting out everything you had inside you. Yet, it still sounded perfect. People reached out their hands to the heavens and closed their eyes and sang... it was wonderful.

Honestly I felt very very awkward. I didn't know the songs they were singing, I didn't expect to. I just stood there for a while until I loosened up a bit and sang along with the lyrics on the screen. About 2 minutes in, I was really feeling the music and the atmosphere and I closed my eyes whenever I felt like it. Every time I closed my eyes... I don't know how to describe it but my whole body just felt like it had a thin layer over my skin, like a static layer. The music would blur and then become clear again and my throat felt like it had a golf ball wedged in it. I don't know for sure, but I think that I'm just usually so self-conscious and uncomfortable and I rarely close my eyes for more than 5 seconds unless I'm at home (of course) or when I'm exhausted. At that time, closing my eyes felt like I was letting go. Closing my eyes made me feel vulnerable... and scared at the same time. It sounds so stupid but that's how I felt. And each time I opened my eyes, I felt tears threatening to spill over. I was so uptight, but as the songs went on and I felt every single lyric and word and felt every single feeling- passion, love, desperation, in the room, I closed my eyes and let tears roll down my cheeks.

I rarely talk about myself crying on my blog or anywhere really but that's what happened haha. It was so intense... and the power in that room just made me feel so overwhelmed but in a great way. A fantastic way. And that's when I realised that this love is no ordinary love. It's love that people can't find words to describe and just feel like screaming their lungs out because of how strong that love is. Its a faith in God. A faith in Jesus.

After that, we got dinner and then returned for cell activities. My mom was hesitant at first then allowed me to go in the end. That session with the cell was better than I could have ever expected. They taught us all about the spirit of giving and loving and being humble. It really made me super excited for Christmas and making presents!!!

(I met Lauren's bestie, Mag, there as well and she was so fun to be around, I was laughing so much!)

Shopping Day with Megan! - 16 December

Megan and I did a bit of damage by getting some retail therapy! I bought my favourite sweater of all time at only $20 on sale and have yet to take it off HAHA!

I bought $13 jeans at F21 because I guess I'm starting to hate jeans a lil less haha

I GOT ICE CREAM AT THOSE LITTLE ICE CREAM CARTS AND THEY INCREASED THE PRICE TO $1.20 SINGAPORE WHAT ARE U DOING TO MY CHILDHOOD

Yup, I'm obsessed.

Oh which reminds me! I filmed a haul video the other day! HERE IT IS!

Time with Angie! - 17 December

Sometimes the best time spent is by simply having good food and talking! I haven't seen Angie in a while so we planned a beach day picnic but our bad luck dawned on us and it started raining! SO GUESS WHAT! We found a spot on the floor at a deserted place at VivoCity and ate all our picnic food there and talked for about 2-3 hours (: It was great and we had so much fun! So next time if something pops up and clashes with your plans, go with it! Have fun anyways (:

AND I BOUGHT MY BOOTS THAT IVE WANTED FOR SO LONG FOR ONLY $30!

Out with the fam - 19 December
So we had a lil business meeting thing before we went to Bras Basah to buy art supplies and then had sushi! My sister and I had a good time taking outfit pictures HAHA