Page Tabs.

We build so many relationships over time.

I'm very lucky to say that I have had a fulfilling life so far and I owe so much to the people I have met. Just last night, I was reminiscing about all my old friends from Primary school and I couldn't help but yearn for their company again. There are a few whom I still occasionally keep in touch with but even still, texting each other once every few months isn't really enough.

I take friendships really seriously. Especially when I'm really close to the other person. I let toxic friendships go and I accept when some friends drift away, but for other friendships that are very dear to me, I keep them close because it doesn't really make sense to me to forget about them after so many years just because I'm in a new school, have new friends and have pretty much a new life.

There's really no point in constantly keeping friends at your disposal because at the end of the day, when you wander of your path in life and get lost, your friends will be the ones who remind you of who you are and what you want to achieve in your life. At least for me, I trust my close friends wholeheartedly when it comes to these reminders. They have been the ones who have listened to my fantasies and dreams and goals; the ones I have raved to about how amazing it would be to be a spoken-word poet or how much I would enjoy travelling the world. 

I've spent a while previously, thinking that I was alone. Thinking that I had no true friends or anyone who cared for me. It was such a lonely and dark phase. But I guess overtime we see things clearer, and I've seen that I couldn't have been more wrong.

The new year and new class has brought me new individuals- new friends. And I can't believe how lucky I am to have met them. As for old friends, I'm currently trying to reconnect with them and we talk as if we haven't missed a day without each other.

It's these types of friendships that I know will be with me for the rest of my life. They literally are living beings who have seen me grow, perhaps little page tabs on each chapter of my life.

I never want to lose my page tabs. (:

<3

With Love,

Signing off...

CLL

Our Figure Of Hope.

Hello there (:

I'm not even going to start coming up with brilliant excuses for why I haven't been posting as much. To put it simply, I've been unmotivated, uninspired and of course, busy with schoolwork. But I had a thought the other day and I thought I'd mark it on this page.

I pray to God for two things.

One, to praise. For the good things that have happened in my life.

Two, to wish or request. For restoration, for better things to come.

As I was going through a tough time last week,

I found myself constantly praying for God to give me strength to push through. I couldn't return to visit my family in Malaysia for the new year, and I was worried about my grandpa, so I prayed for his health as well. I prayed for my family's safety. I prayed for determination in my studies.

I realised that I prayed especially when I was scared.

And with that, I realised that what if God is just figure of hope?

He is said to be of someone capable of all and everything. In control of everything. Because after all, He is said to be the creator of life itself.

Is He something we just grasp onto for our life, because our life that is filled with unpredictability and the unknown, of course we would struggle to find a constant. Are we just desperate to find someone or something that we know will always be here? Just so that our life doesn't seem as daunting and scary as it really is? People leave, good things pass. We can't rely on them for our whole life. Is that why we want God in our lives, because we are taught that he loves us unconditionally, that he has already forgiven our sins, and that he has watched us grow, still to be with us till now?

It makes us sane and believe that we can do something about our life and the plight we are in.

Just pray and worship him as much as we can, so he will reward us with what we deserve- a restoration of what we've lost and a good life ahead. 

Is relying on and believing in Him just our way of running from reality because we cannot control the course of our life and what we experience from it?

-

Those are simply my thoughts. And I'm in no way trying to say God is not real.

If you are confused about my religion, I am too.

But I try to figure it out on a previous blogpost: Religion.

With that, 

thank you all so much for reading!

I'll still be blogging, just less frequent (:

SEE YA!

Signing off...

CLL

" Question your convictions. Be who you want to be, not who they want you to be. Don't accept their enslavement, for your mother birthed you free. "

The Start Of Something New

It has been 4 weeks since I last blogged.

Yet, so much has happened in this span of time and I thought I'd blog about them (:

I haven't posted since the New Year and as the school year started, I've been in a new class with new teachers and new friends. I've fostered many relationships and have met great people- people I like to believe will be in my life forever. 

I'm very lucky to have nice teachers and also friends who support me in what I do. Apart from making it a point to be confident in who I am this year, it really wouldn't be as easy as it is for me when I didn't feel this comfortable with them. 

I'm now Class Chairman of Secondary 3E1. 

It was a daunting task. I wasn't quite sure I would be able to cope with it. But so far, my job has been easy due to the cooperation from my classmates. 

Also, I went for the one and only OBS- our 4 day outdoor course.

I am so lucky to have gotten the chance to go and although it was an uphill battle every single day, a test of one's strength and capabilities, I had so much fun and made so many memories in a short time span of 4 days. My heart will always clench up when I think about it, because that's how much OBS has left it's imprint on my life. I'll recall the sound of crickets in the night and the smell of salt water. And as tiring as it is, I'll always yearn to pitch a tent with my friends again, cook with them, eat with them, face obstacles with them. 
They are my life now.

Year 2015.

Another year of possibilities and dreams.

I fulfilled my dream of dancing again. And I now go for hip hop classes every Saturday evening. It's another source of joy in my life- something I look forward to at the end of every tough week. 

Of course, there is a big change in terms of our studies now.

The stress load has definitely built up and expectations now hold a greater load on our shoulders. List of homework and assignments are longer and even school hours are extended. We are facing the reality of preparing for our O levels and no one has time to slack.

But so far,

I am grateful for the classmates and teachers that I have. I am thankful for the memories and experiences I have made. I am excited for what's to come (:

SEE YA!

Signing off...
CLL

& A Happy New Year

Was contemplating on doing yet another update blog post but then I thought that since a brand new year will start in 2 days time, it's time to do a little "flashback" session.

Year 2014 passed by so quickly, I could barely keep up.

Honestly, at the end of each year, I always look back and wish that time could pass more slowly but this year was especially so. It was filled with some of the highest points in my life as well as some of my lowest but either way, these things all made up one of the best years of my existence- no kidding.

There's one thing I did this year that I'm most proud of and I know that it's just the start of the journey. This year, I made myself step out of my comfort zone. And that is one of the best decisions I've ever made. It allowed so much growth and improvement in myself. 

For one thing, I pursued Drama. It was something that I was interested in for a while now. I can safely say that the task of acting in front of an audience is not as daunting as it used to be. I usually have very bad stage fright, but now, performing is a passion and the applause is another great reward. The art of performing is something I'll keep close with me forever.

I made myself do things that I had second guesses about, whether it was because I lacked self-confidence or just courage, I added little things to my life that helped me build a lot of confidence over time. This is just the beginning and I'm definitely excited for more things to come and conquer the next year. 

This year was also the time when I took care of myself better. I learned to love myself and it really just amazed me how much I don't care very much what people think of me anymore. Last time, one small thing would bring my day down but that's no longer the case. And that's something I consider a very big milestone crossed.

Of course, there was some bad times in the year.

To build self-confidence is a journey, and along that journey you might fall. I succumbed to overthinking and demoralisation many times and I found myself in the deepest pit of self-pity and regret. It weighed down on me and I made some bad decisions in turn but I guess the new year will just be a time to move forward and not look back.

But to add on the things that were amazing this year,

I HAD THE FLIPPIN BEST BIRTHDAY OF MY LIFE and I also got so much closer to more people and I built many good relationships!

-

The new year is a chance for every single one of us to let go and move forward. You cannot live in the past, nor can you be stagnant at the same place forever. Find excitement in change, growth and adventure- it's something I've learned to enjoy. 

Don't let the dread of the school work and new syllabus make you dread the new year. Think about all the great things you can achieve in the future and let your heart open to every new opportunity. 

I'll be doing an update post very soon due to the activity-packed last week so look forward to that! But if I don't blog till the first of January, have a happy New Year everybody!

Thanks for reading!

SEE YA!

Signing off...

CLL

Her scream echoed the heavens

Although her mouth was sealed shut.

Her voice was strained

Although no noise escaped her lips.

- Li Ling

Don't just exist. Live.

-