yes, a fogginess. one that has persisted for almost this whole semester, and I am so conscious of my measurement of time by the school calendar.
i imagine it is like a dot of concentrated ink, while the rest of the diluted colours and textures fade into insignificance. a moment of climatic intensity enough to stop the earth's orbit short and refuse Time into mythology. no, not Love. I've moved past this nebulous concept and reserved it for more luminescent moments. but i think, the meeting of two beings, in all their complexity; a willing undertaking of mutual reckoning and recognition. a striking awareness of the human hope and insecurity.
indeed, to experience such and to lose it - as it must have its season -, is to rediscover Time again. questioning what it means for each break of day and fall of night, each task and responsibility of this point of life. is to have new vocabulary and imagery etched into the mind's archives, to describe every subsequent thing in the language that has been so tinged with the life force of another.
so forgive me, if i am living in a fog. i don't quite know who i am seeking forgiveness from. but i believe that with time the fog will clear, even if just enough to see the path in front of me. the words will learn to reconcile, the heart will loosen its grip on the past. and i will be my new person, not fearing nor regretting, only being what Nature is.
