人一旦习惯了孤独，
那才是比悲伤更悲伤的事。
It is 1:19am and my eyes nag me to sleep, but I know if I don't write it tonight I will never write it and there I will go forgetting about it. Earlier tonight Sid and I spontaneously decided to have dinner and watch a movie (/to have dinner in a movie), so there we found ourselves watching "More Than Blue", a Taiwanese movie.
I will cut to the chase-- as well as to all the spoilers. More Than Blue is a heart-wrenching story of two lovers who never admit they love each other, growing up as good friends and housemates since they were 16. Both were lonely people, with no kin and a history of loss, but they found solace in each other. But K had leukaemia, and hence never allowed himself and Cream to secure their relationship, and spent his last days attempting to ensure a wonderful life for Cream after his death. He tries so hard to keep it from her in fear of hurting her, but the twist comes when it turns out she knew all along. And everything she had done, even those at the expense of her and others' happiness, had been done for him, as he had for her. And when he left, to her there was no alternative than to leave with him.
I can only attempt to encapsulate the story this way. It is much more vivid and hence painful in my mind and I don't expect myself to do it justice. But here are some of my thoughts.
To be honest, I wasn't very impressed by the first half-one hour of the movie. The storyline seemed to be pretty rushed, and the characters said/did things much faster than I imagined it would in real life. It was abrupt and sometimes unrealistic, like the part when K asked Cindy to dump her fiancee and yadayada. But I must say that the build up did an excellent job setting a basis that would afterward enhance the sense of pathos. Like the part of Cream writing the song, about how eternity together is not really an eternity because one will eventually have to go, but another life, another life is comparatively better because it sounds more like a pact, a promise. That's what she did after all, to always stay with K even in a different world. The portrayal of Cream in the build up was also really significant, because for the most part, the beginning was focused on K and his troubles, and his attempts to secure the right man for Cream. Cream was portrayed as an enthusiastic, carefree, oblivious girl who needed comfort and protection. But that's what made the plot twist so unexpected and emotional-- she knew all along. She wasn't oblivious, and her carefree spirit was merely a veneer to make K believe she was happy and would be fine. She did it all for him. The things that each K and Cream did were all for the sake of each other's happiness, at the expense of their own. And I guess that was the point of the movie. There's no point in that... it would all be wasted if you never say the words I love you when you really feel it. Because you never know.
The words of Cindy in the final parts of the movie still play in my head. She said something about how she thought K was underestimating Cream, that she was definitely stronger than he thought she was, and able to live on somehow even after he goes. "But I was wrong," she says, because she had tied her happiness to tightly to his that it was never possible for her to go on without him. What do you do with that except to wish they could have held each other tighter in the days that they had?
That's the story sadder than sadness itself.
I left the theatre still ugly sobbing. It struck a chord somehow.
xx,
CLL
