Dear Online Blog,
It has been over a year now, and it scares me to think how fast time flies by. It feels like it was only yesterday that I was packing my bag for the first day of school in Victoria Junior College (yea, that happened), but here I am, just completing my Promotional Exams for the year.
I've returned because I hope to return for good. Just recently I reflected on a lot; about how I would like to utilise my time, and how I would like to define my life at this present moment; where it can be defined at all. And I thought a lot about how I used to journal almost every day, even within the year that I had not been on here. I also remembered when I used to blog, just like this, about every single thing that happened in my life– the bright and the dark, though mostly the bright, with pictures to accompany every post. As I scrolled through over a hundred posts on this platform the other night, I was kind of struck by how much I have grown as a person, and how lucky I am that I had inadvertently immortalised the process of my growing into who I am today.
It is wonderful that I had written a lot in my physical, brown-paged (i love) diaries, but it has become apparent that having a diary on me and finding the time to sit down and write has become close to impossible. It is not a matter of pessimism or priority, but more of reality. Please refer to the hashtag #JClife.
Anyways, although the idea of typing things out and 'journalling' on a moving bus or train isn't particularly favourable to me, I have come to accept that you do whatchu gotta do and if it saves time and gets me to write more, I'm up for it. The privacy on this page is also far different from having a personal diary, but I guess the things I do post I do it to share too.
Reading my previous entries I realised that I took blogging to be an intentional and conscious broadcasting of my life and my views. I think when I was most active on this page, I had the dreams of becoming a social media influencer and a famous blogger (those were the days) haha. I also find that when I wrote about more 'inspirational' , 'meant-to-encourage-and-uplift' kind of posts, I always ended up with a sound conclusion. I would talk about the struggles and the hardships but I always managed to find a way to say "but hey, you've just got to... and it will all turn out okay." A part of that hope and optimism definitely still resides in me, but of course as I've grown I've realised that many things are far easier said than done, and that not everything has a conclusion. Not everything has that one-dimension, and one-dimensional methods are more often than not, not solutions at all.
So here's to cliff-hangers and ambivalence; wonder, joy and thankfulness; dejection, anger and confusion. Be back soon. xx
Love,
CLL
