Hello stranger (:
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Over the past 2 months, so much has happened and I feel incredibly guilty for not updating this page. Currently, I'm in my dark room, with only the light emitted from my laptop. The reason being that it's 11.17 pm on a Tuesday night and my mother insisted that I go to sleep immediately but hey, a girls gotta blog when a girls gotta blog :P
Since the break from blogging, I've decided to make some changes. Mainly that I won't force myself to blog when I don't want to, which is what I used to do especially last year(once every week) and secondly, I won't be having photo diary updates like I did last year.
By photo diary updates I just mean how I would post a whole lot of pictures to describe an event that happened. I'm not going to do that anymore, because it was really time consuming to take a picture at every event, and to upload all of them. I would also need to go down all the pictures and have a short description, which I found myself giving up halfway. It is not that anyone forced me to do those things, I guess I just made it a habit and I thought I couldn't change it. I probably failed to remember that this is my personal page, and I can do anything I want to suit my liking and comfortability.
I also won't be blogging about every single event that happens in my life, which I did very much last year. Instead, I'm going to blog about things that truly impact me, and things that I want to talk about as well as remember. This blog is my diary, minus all the negative and dark parts of me that I'd rather not share with the world. I know that because I omit these, it makes this blog a little less whole, but at the end of the day, this is the internet and I've always been quite mindful of the words I say online.
Amongst the stress and added responsibility, I always thought back to my blog, this blog. I spent a lot of time on here, pouring out my feelings, figuring out my thoughts. And to me, it was a pity that I was not updating and keeping up with it. It's almost like how when we were younger, we kept a diary, I did at least, and slowly as we get older, we stop this hobby because we have other important things to do. It's a pity in that way, because I have always identified writing as a huge part of myself, and not writing for such a fairly long time made a void in my heart. I've always been a voracious writer, and I'm back, 2 months after thinking about giving up on my blog, because I never want to lose this part of myself.
I have also gained a form of reassurance, as I have realised that some people were actually waiting for me to update this page again. So I guess, this is not just a haven for me, it's a connection between my readers and I. I'm actually really grateful, because when I hear people say that they like my blog and they want to read more, it makes me feel like I'm heard. Like I'm understood. And it's a gift to be able to feel that way. It's also really nice to feel appreciated for your work and your content. It's like I'm just a girl, writing about my day or my random thoughts, and people actually enjoy it. It gives me such great happiness, really.
Thank you to those who have stuck with me, even when I lost passion and was so close to giving in to the stress of studies and school.
-
As I said, so much has happened. I don't even know where to start.
For one, Secondary 3 is definitely more demanding than I ever thought it would be. This is actually the year of transition towards O levels, and also, the year where most of us take up our leadership positions. I mentioned in a previous post that I am class chairman. Then I realised that that position was literally nothing compared to the rest of the leadership roles we need to take on. If I'm not wrong, a few weeks after my last post a few months ago, it was announced that I attained the role of the President of the Interact Club(my CCA). It's a huge deal to me, especially because of how much love and passion I have for what my CCA does and what we do in it.
It was tougher than I imagined, and each day I'm required to have a little more bravery and courage to do things I wouldn't normally do. For example, I SUCK at formalities. I mean, I'm the type of girl who hates handshakes and snorts when she laughs. However, I am required to write emails to schools and adults who are big deals, and I am required to write proposals and hold myself with "confidence" and "professionalism" or something or another. Well, so far I have survived and thankfully, still pushing on.
School and subjects are pretty much the same for everyone. "OH MY GOD I HATE SCHOOL!" Yeup, trust me, I say that to myself too sometimes. The content-heavy subjects now are seriously no joke, and it's a constant battle with time. I'm still figuring out the best ways to learn and manage my time, and to be very honest, I am terrified of what is to happen if I don't figure that out soon. Even now, my mid year exams are over and we are getting back our results. There is an obvious retrogression in my grades. And the thing is, I'm not even surprised or shocked. Its like how it's already pretty much normal to not be able to complete the exam paper, and you're just so tired of beating yourself up about it and crying over it that you're just like "ugh whatever it's over".
It's definitely an uphill battle.
So yea my life has been super hectic and I've been busying myself with a bunch of stuff. Also, I have actually been fairly consistent with my video uploads, especially as I develop greater love for the freedom of expression through my video content and editing.
You can check out my videos
Here.
-
Anyways, enough of my blabbering. I actually have so much to talk about but I'll leave those for a separate post. For now, I wish all of you good luck in everything that you do, and for those who are like me and have gotten back their exam results, I have one simple piece of advice.
It's hard and no matter how many times you tell yourself not to broad over your results, sometimes you just can't. And to be honest, that is okay. Cry as much as you need. But never let it make you think that you're any less than a person with valid feelings and a valid purpose. Use your failures as something that drives you forward.
I may have done less than expected this exam, but trust me when I say, I've never wanted to work harder.
Thank You All For Reading!
SEE YA!
With Love,
Signing Off,
CLL
